Traveling with kids is rarely as easy as we want it to be. But traveling with special needs kids brings about an extra set of issues that are rarely predictable. We have three boys, our oldest is 12 plus we have twin 10-year-olds, and each of them has differing degrees of special needs. We have one with Tourette’s Syndrome, one with severe ADHD, Dyslexia, he’s practically blind plus a whole bucket of other issues, and another with more mild ADHD and poor vision. After lots of work, our boys are great travelers and typically listen and behave better at an airport than at home. We have been on many vacations with them including long flights to Hawaii, overwhelming days at Disneyland, and completely new adventures in Austin. But no matter what, by the end of any vacation day we’re pretty exhausted from the trials, tribulations, and honestly, all the fun we have with these three.

After many trips, we have learned a thing or two about traveling with special needs kids. It is work, but it can be done. And it is so rewarding.

Our boys are very good going through airports and in transition times and although this is a blessing, it often comes with our most frustrating challenge. You cannot see any of their special needs just by looking at them. Often, the people they’re interacting with are quick to assume they’re “normal” kids and treat them as such. Before long they’re frustrated, put off, not to mention we’ve had our share of rude comments. My best purchase, so far, were these custom buttons on Etsy, from a wonderful shop. I attached them to the backpack strap of my hardest to interact with kiddo. He was so excited to have something new and colorful on his backpack and the placement puts them very close to his face in an obvious spot. And he wears this backpack all. the. time.

To prepare for travel, I sit down with our boys one-on-one as our vacation dates approach. We talk more about what’s going to happen at the airport, TSA - the questions and rules, behavior and noises on the plane, how to act appropriately at the hotel, etc. I really dive into the details of the amount of time things will take, the smells, the weather, and at what points we will eat.

Pro tip: when going somewhere new, my boys and I go on Google and Google Maps to help us get an understanding of what we’ll be walking into at our destination. The maps, pictures, and 360-degree views all help us feel familiar with a place before we even walk off the plane. Not to mention how many bathroom stops we get before the car rental counter.

Most importantly, I give us more time. We book the earliest flight to avoid long TSA lines. Early flights help avoid most delays as well. We get to the airport at least two hours early and avoid any type of rushing, which increases anxiety in two of our boys. The extra time allows us to have breakfast, either purchased or brought along in our carry-ons. The boys can move, shake, and stand more easily because the airport is practically dead. We also re-group and talk about our reminders for the flight including seat assignments, snacks and where are your headphones?

We bring all the things (that they can carry). My boys would always try to bring their whole bedrooms on vacation. So now they know that they always use their school backpacks and fill them with whatever they can carry. Snacks, iPads, pillows, toys, bears, drawing stuff, LEGOs - we’ve brought it all on vacation. These are their comfort things and that’s okay - as long as mom and dad don’t have to carry it. If I were to try and control what they brought, there would be arguments and that’s just not necessary right before vacation, pick your battles. Plus, who am I to say what will keep them entertained?

Overall, we keep as much routine as possible. If you can keep a secret - this one is the hardest for me - I hate routine. But, my special needs boys really need it. We have modified our daily routine enough to have a routine vacation schedule. Always breakfast at the hotel around 7:00. Then we go sightseeing. Back by about 3:00 for pool time. Out to dinner at 5:00. And then we’re back to the hotel for their regular bath and bedtime. Is it my favorite? No. Does it help them? YES! And that’s what’s worth it.

Pro tip: whatever the NEED at home, they will NEED it on the road. Our twins fall asleep much faster/easier when they have music. Since they use an Echo Dot in their room at bedtime I’m usually curating a playlist for them on Amazon Music to suit their current taste. Knowing this, I got the Amazon Music app on my phone, download their latest playlist, and voila they’re still able to have the same music to fall asleep with anywhere. Bonus, it helps drown out noise from noisy hotel neighbors.

Possibly the second most important, pick the activities that are more suited to YOUR kids. Sure, maybe the museum of contemporary art is what interests us more than the petting zoo, but forcing special needs kids to behave during something they hate is like herding cats with a toothpick as my mom would say. I mean we’ve spent about 100 hours of vacation at the pool, but they’re having so much fun!

Tip: through my desire to keep my kids outside, I have discovered my own love of botanic gardens. We stop at one in nearly every city we visit. Gardens are perfect places for kids with special needs - they can explore, relax, observe and even run around a little. The picture below is from one of our favorites, Zilker Botanical Garden in Austin, Texas.

Lastly, let go of all your expectations. Kick them out the door. No vacation will be perfect. Your special needs kid(s) will not behave, listen, mind their manners, or roll with the punches like the other kids. There will be meltdowns. So be like Elsa and let it go. Let your expectations blow away. Deep breaths from everyone around. Mom. Dad. Kids. And relax. We relax a little on our rules. We don’t pick battles that don’t matter in the long run. We focus on them. And when all else fails, go for ice cream, like whenever things get sticky, go get ice cream, it solves everything. I promise. The very tired kid in the picture below was crying right before he was handed this smiley face ice cream cone.

We are a village, moms and dads, of these special kids. We have to raise them up the best we can. I hope you’ll take a second and comment down below on your favorite tips and tricks for traveling with your kiddo.

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